The Canberra advertising man who doubles as Prime Minister, has explained his selection of a candidate to succeed the departing Sudsie in the Gilmore electorate. ‘My choice is for a ‘good bloke’, and my Lib/Lab Parachute Man is without doubt ‘ a good bloke.’
The individual referred to is known in political circles as ‘Watchmee-Maybee’ (WM for short). In answer to questions from your correspondent, WM has described his party allegiances. ‘Could be, may be, been there, done that, all my rellies are down there, that was last week, this is now, the voters should know where I stand.’
A more searching question for Gilmore voters and for NBT readers is ‘what is a good bloke?’ That gender question, a sort of peep into history, will be a crucial issue for WM to address. So, we asked the PM to explain his interpretation of good bloke. In reply he has sent my editor pictures of himself in a baseball cap, in a Cronulla Sharks rugby shirt, eating a pie, kissing a piece of coal, on a bus but not in a bus and dancing with possible supporters in a Queensland car park. On the back of these photographs he scribbled a personal note. ‘All this adds up to a good bloke.’
After consulting my editor, who is a good bloke but does not want to be called one, your correspondent has encouraged the formation of a Good Bloke Party for Gilmore. Watchmee-Maybee (WM) can join if he likes.
Several local notorieties from the Hyams Beach Cafe, the Albert & Miso Emporium in Vincentia and the Husky Pub have announced that they are willing to stand in Gilmore as Good Blokes. These three new candidates will be in a job sharing alliance, a sort of ‘One Gilmore for All ‘ grouping, not be to be confused with One Nation.
The good blokes have a lot in common. Middle aged, balding, overweight, usually bronzed but pink shading to red in hot summers, able to laugh at their own jokes (which they call humour) and they find relief in discussing prostate problems which they consider a form of politics.
Somewhat insensitively, Cappsize asked these candidates if a woman could be a good bloke. After consulting the previous feminist denial member for Gilmore, they replied ‘Never. A female by definition cannot be one.’
When told that their appeal overlooks half of the Gilmore voters, they admitted that in the good bloke traditions they’d forgotten that. They did add, ‘At least we live here, so we will not have to be parachuted in; and we’ll ask the PM for his endorsement. After all, he thought of this first.’
WM, the chosen Lib/Lab Parachute Man for Gilmore, said he could not distinguish one party from another, ‘so I’ll give my preferences to someone like myself , ‘a good bloke.’’
The Good Bloke Party’s how to vote cards will be available from the NBT.